Focusing on God
As I tried to put my baby to nap on his swing, I was reminded on how often I’m being insensitive to God. It’s always challenging to put Nathan to sleep because he loves to explore his surroundings. He loves to look at the ceilings, lamps, people walking by and even at the AC. Currently we haven’t found one repeated method (yet – hopefully!) that can get him to sleep by himself. So this morning I put him on swing because last week he felt asleep there while listening to the music.
And because he’s easily distracted by new sights, I positioned myself at the back of the swing where he couldn’t see me. Hillsong’s songs were playing in the background as I watched him furiously looking for the source of the noise. Our helper walked past in front of him and his eyes were following her move.
He yawned a few times but his eyes were still alert, looking to his right side. Quietly I moved to his left side and sit there watching him. He was so busy looking at whatever caught his sight and didn’t realize that I was right beside him. He yawned few more times and I could see that he got frustrated that he couldn’t fell asleep. So I moved to the front, hoping that he would notice my presence and that he would calm down. But he’s still in his own world and it was clear that he’s tired and frustrated by now.
I called him and he answered with crying. He was so glad that someone finally attended him that he starting to stop crying. I lifted him up, rocked him to bed and he was asleep within minutes.
Looking at my baby’s behaviour, I realized that I sometimes behave like him towards God. Too often I become so focus on my own world and forget about God. And like always, God never leave. He’s always there, waiting for me to turn my head back to him. I realized that when I had my baby, I became so focus on him and got overwhelmed by being a mom. I started neglecting praying time, let alone quiet time with God. My baby has become the centre of my world.
I feel that when I became a mom, my life is a whirlwind. No routine, no space for expectation and most of the time there’s no way out. As much as I love my baby, at times I got burned out. And my baby could feel that his mami wasn’t right which caused him to act up and that would make me even more tired. I became like my baby, tired and frustrated. I forgot that someone is there to renew my strength and joy.
Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” I’ve experienced this truth many times in my previous seasons. Going through this new season of my life, I want to reclaim it. Even though it’s hard to do (where does time go?!), I need to refocus my life to God daily. I know for sure that the same strength and joy that had carried me through the past will sustain me in this new motherhood season.
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